I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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