the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
