Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
