omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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