Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
