i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
