and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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