I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
