god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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