Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
