tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
