It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
