I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
