i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
