if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize