Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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