So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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