The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
