Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
