he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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