Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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