dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
