Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
