he puts the penis in happiness.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
