Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
