What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
