I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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