We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
