I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
