i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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