Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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