He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she woke up with a sticky ear
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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