I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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