she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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