i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
