This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Are my feet made of real feet?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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