I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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