So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
