Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
