We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
