There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
