Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
