Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
