At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
