It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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