i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
