im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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