i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
