i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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