You're my little dorito
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
