My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
