So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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