I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
