Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
