We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
