i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
