well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Shame - the story of my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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