i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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