I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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