it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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