my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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