just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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