So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
