I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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