Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
