I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
