I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
