I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
