great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
