last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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